


Christmas Lights

by prinsessa_mouse



Category: Metalocalypse (Cartoon)
Genre: Christmas, Christmas Lights, Friendship/Love, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, Ice Skating, Idiots in Love, M/M, Memories, Minor Character Death, Mutual Pining, Photographs, Pining, Platonic Cuddling, Platonic Relationships, References to Depression, Sad with a Happy Ending, Winter, post-doomstar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-14
Updated: 2020-12-14
Packaged: 2021-03-10 18:42:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,249
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28061880
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/prinsessa_mouse/pseuds/prinsessa_mouse
Summary: William helps Skwisgaar through the grieving process and coming to terms with losing Magnus. They also learn something very special about themselves as they sit outside in the courtyard surrounded by Christmas lights.
Relationships: Magnus Hammersmith/Skwisgaar Skwigelf, William Murderface/Skwisgaar Skwigelf
Comments: 6
Kudos: 7





	Christmas Lights

In the cold courtyard of Mordhaus, Skwisgaar walked through the many pathways of their private yard.

All the bare trees along the pathways were decorated in white fairy lights to give the courtyard a sense of Christmas spirit. Charles insisted that it livened up the dreary courtyard when the trees shed, they’re leaves and tossed the already Gothic house into bleaker despair. Skwisgaar liked the lights, when he got restless, he stared down into the courtyard to admire the glistening lights on the snow. He found comfort in the white lights chasing away the darkness.

He remembered the first time he experienced Christmas in America. Magnus drove them out to New York as their Christmas present to experience Rockefeller centre. He never forgot that day. The cheesy bullshit made him fall in love with Magnus who kept pulling out his camera to take photos. Skwisgaar bathed in the glow of Christmas lights, he didn’t want to go back into darkness. Every place they visited to enjoy festivities, he smiled until his face ached. When they went skating, he stole Magnus’ camera to snap photos of the older man who couldn’t really skate. He skated circles around him until he started a new game of skating by and kissing the curly haired man on the cheek.

The next Christmas, Magnus learned how to skate. They celebrated Hanukkah and Christmas together. Sat next to the tree in their small living room, sharing a bottle of wine as they exchanged gifts, Christmas records they bought at the thrift store were stored in an old wooden Pepsi crate entertained them for hours.

Each year brought them new traditions. Every moment captured by Magnus or Skwisgaar when he finally received his own camera one year. They each filled boxes of photos they took together, they hunted down the best Christmas light displays in the country when they toured. It meant the world to them, immortalized in collections of photos.

Magnus’ leave from Dethklok broke Skwisgaar’s heart. They tried their hardest to keep the relationship going but it continued to be strained. The only thing that helped the hurt was the letters they sent to one another at Christmas. They each filled envelops with photos they took during the year and the lights they saw. Skwisgaar still wrote _luv your Skwisgaar_ at the bottom of his letters. He couldn’t tolerate celebrating Christmas with anyone but Magnus. No one else understood what he wanted from the holiday season. Sharing his love for Christmas lights felt like cheating on the man he loved.

He put on a brave face to help Pickles put Santa gifts together for Toki. He forced himself to participate to that extent. The Norwegian’s joy over Christmas thawed his icy heart though and allowed him to be happy.

He went skating, Christmas music playing through his headphones while he reminisced on the good old days. He counted down the days until the letter arrived from Magnus.

This would be the first year he didn’t get a letter.

He grieved silently over the loss of his friend and lover.

Charles handed over a letter that Magnus did leave him that instructed him to go to a storage unit to pick up the few things he left him. The items were minimal, a few books and records, his guitar, demos they recorded, a neatly tied up stack of letters, and boxes of photos.

Skwisgaar still waited, hoping a letter might turn up and as Christmas eve neared, he realized nothing was coming.

He skated around the small rink until his legs hurt. His vision got blurry as tears poured from his eyes and he grabbed onto the boards to keep himself upright.

He avoided Toki who kept trying to inject himself into his bubble. How could he explain to his friend that he grieved the guy who kidnapped him? He did everything to make the Norwegian happy, he couldn’t drop his problems onto him.

Pickles sat with him and explained that he grieved the loss of Magnus too. It was okay to miss him and hope he found peace.

Nathan patted Skwisgaar on the shoulder in passing when he knew he was crying by the tree. He remembered how special the holidays used to be for the couple back in the day. He couldn’t say anything to fix the situation. His suggestion would be to spend time with his tame yard wolves.

Skwisgaar found his favorite bench in the courtyard that was surrounded by the most trees. He could see the tame yard wolf enclosure, his babies coming up the fence to greet him. He sat in the glowing light; his mitten clad hand dug into his jacket pocket to pull out a photo. He stared at the picture of him and Magnus near the Rockefeller centre tree. The memories came flooding back to how amazing that day was.

“Oh gods,” he whimpered. The tears trailed down his cheeks, the more he blinked the faster they came as his shoulders started to shake. He couldn’t breathe, he choked on air and snot, he gasped desperately trying to get a handle on himself.

He didn’t hear boots crunching on the snow or sense the presence of someone sitting down next to him on the bench.

“Skwishgaar, hey itsh okay,” William whispered wrapping his arm around the blonde’s waist. He saw him wandering through the courtyard for two hours from his bedroom window. He considered Skwisgaar to be his best friend, the person who watched horror movies with him and didn’t point out his faults as much as the others. He heard in passing that the lead guitarist seemed depressed, the holidays sucked, he needed some company to chase away his demons too.

Skwisgaar leaned into the embrace and rested his head on William’s shoulder. “I ams,” he stuttered. “I misses him.”

William glanced down at the photo in Skwisgaar’s hand. He never saw that photo before though he remembered photos hanging around the bedroom back in the apartment. Magnus and Skwisgaar were a team, a couple, the best of friends. They did everything together and Christmas meant the most to them. They disappeared for days to celebrate on their own. “I know. No one exshpects you to get over it soon. Itsh been eight months, thatsch okay,” William said reassuringly.

“Why does its have to bes so hard?” Skwisgaar questioned. A fresh batch of tears poured down his cheeks, the cold wind chilled him due to the excess moisture.

“Because loshing someone you love is tough. You both shared shomething special during Christmas. What did you guysh like to do?”

Skwisgaar’s left hand came up to wipe away some of his tears. “We always goes to sees the Christmas lights. Our fah favorites place was News York,” he sniffled.

“What wash your favorite thing to do in New York?” William prompted. Keeping Skwisgaar talking seemed to stop the hyperventilating. He tried not to act weird about his friend’s head resting on his shoulder. He loved the smell of his shampoo and the way he braided tiny bits of his hair before pulling it back into a messy knot. He pushed his own feelings down to let Skwisgaar go through the motions of grieving.

“I loved skatings with him. He always wanted to documents everything by takings photos. We woulds find a bench to looks at the lights. I miss hims telling me he loves me. I mi-misses his letters and photos,” Skwisgaar choked out. He thought he sounded greedy living in the past, here he had someone holding him out in the cold the way Magnus did. No one tried to force him to give up the memories, they never asked him to stop writing to Magnus when they kicked him out of the band. His friends supported him at every turn.

William reached his hand into his right pocket and pulled out his Dethphone. His white earbuds were still attached to the headphone jack. He placed the phone onto his knee to wait. “I can go shkating with you if you want,” he offered.

“You cans skate?”

“Well yah, I played hockey,” William said proudly. For once he could thank his grandparents for signing him up for hockey. He hated it the whole time but now his ability to skate had a purpose.

Skwisgaar pocketed the photo. The longer he looked at it the more miserable he became. He knew he didn’t like the changes happening in his life. Magnus stopped being his lover ten years ago. They were friends who kept up a tradition and he grew comfortable with the routine. He assumed a lot of his grieving was finally coming to terms with the heartache he felt ten years ago. Still, whenever he saw Christmas lights he’d think of Magnus and all their memories. The blonde’s right hand went to hold the left hand around his waist. He kept his head on William’s shoulder as if it always belonged there. “Thanks you,” he whispered.

“Any time. I’m your man,” William chuckled dejectedly. God, he hated the friendzone. He figured Skwisgaar holding his hand came with the territory. Mental torture and something he’d cherish for the rest of his life. The closest he got to be without rejection.

“Am luckies to have you, Williams.”

The curly haired man’s breathing hitched. What should he say? How do you answer that? Was it grief talking?

“I means it. Yous been goods to me. I am sorries I didn’t sees it back thens. Wanted to holds onto this things I couldn’t have and didn’ts see what I hads right besides me,” Skwisgaar said. He caught glimpses of William crushing on him. Drunken moments when the bassist tucked his blonde hair behind his ear and complimented him on his blue eyes. They cuddled on the couch watching horror movies, William never crossed the line even when they laid side by side. He noticed the way the bassist looked at him in the hot tub. He saw all the signs, he understood someone out there wanted to offer him the same type of love Magnus did. He kicked himself for not allowing himself the happiness that he deserved all those lonely years pining away.

“You don’t know what your shaying. You’re sad,” William corrected. He rejected to get his hopes up. He survived this long in the friendzone, he didn’t need to face potential rejection from his crush.

Skwisgaar snottily pfft.

It was music to William’s ears. None of the bandmates heard a pfft from Skwisgaar in eight months.

“Ja ams sad. I ams an idiot too okay?”

“You’re not an idiot,” William said defensively.

Skwisgaar sniffled back the snot that tried to run from his nose. His nose got congested from all his crying and his eyes ached. He needed a hot bath and a nap but moving meant losing the safe embrace of William. “Nej, I means I am an idiots because I nevers give you a chance,” he sniffled again. Curse the cold for making it hard to keep his nose from running.

“Guysh like you don’t like guysh like me,” William said knowingly. He worried that Skwisgaar said those things because he thought he had too. He understood friendships and friendzones, he accepted the lifestyle of look don’t touch.

“Williams, guy likes me dwells and regrets losing out on things later. I don’ts want that to happens with you,” Skwisgaar said sincerely. “I apprekiates you letting me cries and talk abouts Magi. It mades me feel better but it was yous that mades me happier.”

William gave Skwisgaar’s hand a squeeze. “I like you Skwishgaar. Pleashe don’t lead me on okay?” he pleaded. His right hand started to untangle his headphones to distract himself.

“I wouldn’ts, I likes you too. Can we just sits here listen to musics? After goes inside, you warms me up and we figures out what we missed outs on all these years?” Skwisgaar asked nervously.

“Here stay still,” William said untangling his headphones. He poked the right earbud into Skwisgaar’s ear and the other into his left. His right hand scrolled through his music until he came across the song. He clicked play on Yellowcard and prepared himself for a ribbing.

Skwisgaar sighed. He knew the song, cried to it many times in the last two weeks. He took in a steady breath and squeezed William’s hand harder. Whether he cried or not didn’t matter, his friend wiped away the tears and told him to look at the lights. He reassured him he was there for him.

The courtyard looked beautiful illuminated in lights. William thought Skwisgaar looked beautiful in the white glow around them. He pressed a soft kiss to his forehead and held him close.

“Alwaysh liked your blue eyes,” William complimented. He got brave enough to admit that and hopefully later he’d say more things he liked about the blonde.

Skwisgaar laughed through the tears, “I likes the way you holdings me.”

William hit repeat on the song…he might not have a camera, but he wanted to create a special memory for them. Every time they heard this song, they would remember discovering their feelings under the Christmas lights. Hopefully in a year they could sit here again, honoring the memory of Magnus and creating more memories of their own.

_Oh, Christmas lights, light up the street. Light up the fireworks in me. May all your troubles soon be gone; those Christmas lights keep shining on._

**Author's Note:**

> Another post I had to get up early due to work. This one would be for the 3rd day of Dethmas!  
> I really love the song Christmas Light by Yellowcard. It got me through some tough times during the holidays when I lost a close family member. I know this is also a ship I hardly expected to ever write in but the Christmas spirit wants what it wants. (It might also be tumblr user Squetto who did adorable art of Skwisface that got me wanting some of that ship)  
> Give the song a listen!!  
> Happy reading <3


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